omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
