I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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