we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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