it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
