If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Hippo gnu deer
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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