So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
