I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
