Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
