You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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