It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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