Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
