it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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