and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
