I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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