i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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