her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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