he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
