I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
