Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
