Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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