thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
