My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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