what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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