So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
