Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
