dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
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