I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
