ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
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Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
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What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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