he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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