No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
