I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
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Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
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All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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