girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
should my penis look like a turkey
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
