Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
