Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
