I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
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Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
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And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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