I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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