hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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