man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
