I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
