Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
