I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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