hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
