You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
