I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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