Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
