I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
