just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
