But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
