i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
