Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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