dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
