You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
