I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
