Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
