I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
