Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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