The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
