"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
