She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
