In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
