how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
