I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
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