I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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