I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
