when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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