Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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