Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
