I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
