I will die if light touches me.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
