very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
