I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
