did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
