you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
