It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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