I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
