He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
