Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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