fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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