I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
