paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
