sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I think i got beer on your cat.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
