dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
