After last night, I could never be a politician.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
