Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
