Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
