her vagine was all disorganized.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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